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eternityinyoureyes
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Name: Lauren
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Fort Worth
Birthday: 2/15/1991
Gender: Female
Interests: God, my cuddles, writing, reading, observing people, talking, music, cats, the water, rain, roller coasters, laughing, flowers, watching movies, spending time with my very few lovely friends, talking on the phone late at night, running, sleeping, hmm and just fun stuff...
Expertise: Listening
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  ElizabethAlcon
MSN: xoutxofxthisxworldx@hotmail.com
AIM:  AxRainyxMonday
Yahoo:  xgalasrinielx@yahoo.com
Member Since:
12/17/2005
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| Yeah so the human race just reached a new level of evil.
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"a wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left." -Marilyn Monroe
Smart girl. I should take that advice...
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| Once again I can't go this year. Last year we were out of town, Jason promised to take me this year. He knew how much it meant to me. Back in November I had $88.00 dollars saved, I was going to save it and buy my prom ticket, but he said, "no, no I'll buy both of ours." Then he decides he doesn't want to go anymore. Another broken promise.
The end.
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| My feet are cold, but my over sized sweat shirt is keeping the rest of my body warm. My eyes are sleepy but I know I won't be able to sleep. My hair is wet and my hands are dry. I have a million other things I should be doing, but I'm not.
I was thinking earlier and had the urge to write in here.
I wonder why I get so emotionally attached to people... at least I use too. Now it's like I don't even care. I think I'm a very different person then who I was two years ago, or even early last year. Some blame my personality change on Jason, I don't know why he'd have anything to do with it. Maybe I'm just growing up, but I'm not sure I like who I'm growing into. I wish I could stay little forever. Next month is my sixteenth birthday, I'm sure whenever I'm eighteen I'll look back and think that's young, but at the moment it's older then I've ever been. Maybe I just hate growing apart from people, maybe I want to capture those memories and relive them. Maybe it was because I felt like I was visible back then, at least more then I am now. It sounds so cliche' and childish I know. So I've only had two other relationships other then Jason, one of them I wasn't even actually dating the guy... but I've never been close to somebody where everybody he was close to wanted nothing to do with me.
It bothers me more then I let on. Then again, why would they? I'm so young, I don't really hang out with people younger then me, so why would they? It's not so much that, it's just like whenever somebody else is around I feel completely invisible.
Case in point:
Yesterday morning at church Jason went up and talked to a few different people, I followed him. I stood there as he carried on conversations then he looks at me and he says to "why don't you go find somebody to talk to?" It wasn't in a mean way like he wanted me to leave him alone, merely just that I should find my "friends" to talk to. What friends? I see none. Last time I checked, you're my only friend buddy...at least good friend. Didn't feel to nice that he NEVER tries to include me into things... heck, I probably wouldn't of been invited to his birthday launch if it were up to his parents... niceee. Eh, I'm fifteen... it's not their fault. He seems somewhat embarrassed of me I think, he won't hardly talk to me, hold my hand, hug me or anything when somebody else is around... I mean, his friends at least. Another case in point,
his sister was in the car with us yesterday, he spoke to her more then me. A LOT more then me. He didn't hold me hand or anything. Maybe I read to much into things, or maybe I'm right. He won't ever answer his phone when I call him and hes with somebody, he use too. I've been going over to his house more in hopes that his parents will maybe start to approve of me, doubtful though. Why do I care about the approval or his friends and family? I really don't know... I guess I hate knowing people don't approve of me, more so over something I cannot change. It's frustrating.
Eh, I'm making him sound like a bad boyfriend, and he isn't at all... hes a really good one:]
I just can't make myself older and I guess I gotta live with that. Maybe that's why I've become so consumed with my appearance, if I can't make myself older at least I can do is make myself look older. As much as I pretend not to care about things, I do miss having good friends to hang out with.
Eh, maybe it's my own fault, I was the one that became anti social. I just hate it whenever I'm standing somewhere alone, with no one to talk to. It's awkward. But it's also not my fault that half of the human society is disgusting. I just need to find people I can relate to I suppose... Whenever that'll happen.
And I now I won't rant anymore.
Night.
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| *sigh* I can't seem to fall asleep. I think my sleeping problems are getting worse. It's like, I can sleep perfectly and wonderfuly fine during the day, but at night thats a different story. I've felt slightly annoyed the past couple of days, everything just seems to annoy me. I start school tomorrow, augh. Like it's not school that I mind, it's having to spend an entire day around my mother and little siblings that bugs me. Not only that, but half the things I'm forced to learn is utterly useless and I wouldn't have to learn it if I went to school. My birthday is next month. You wouldn't believe how much I'm looking forward to that. I get to get a crappy part time job and get payed nothing. YAY! It's my choice rather I get a job or not, I want a darn car by like next fall so things that happened today won't happen anymore. Lets start at yesterday. I was excited because I thought I was gonna get to spend the day with Jason then that night go hang out with Debra. Well you see Jason didn't pick me up from church until 1:30 anyways, I THOUGHT I was gonna meet Debra and her mom later that day... but nooooo plans changed. Debra calls me and is like, "can we meet at like three?" and it was either that or nothing. [[btw we ended up meeting before three]] I was considerably pissed off, I don't hardly ever getta see Jason as it is and the one day hes going to spend with me Debra's crazy mom changes the plans. So I just sucked it up and delt with it. Well it wasn't Debra's mom that met Jason and I, it was her and her stepdad... then I come to find out that her mom is on medication for her hives and she isn't supppose to drive anywhere. So here it is, the next day, I'm all the way out in Azle and I live in east Fort Worth. Debra waits until the last minute to figure out how I'm suppose to get home. [[her mom usually meets my dad somewhere.]] Well, since her mom can't drive she calls her best friend Robert... he would of been more then happy to take me except he had a basketball game he had to be at. Then she trys her sister, shes sick! Her stepdads at work and I'm completely out of options. I wasn't about to ask my dad to drive an hour out to azle to pick me up. My dad hates driving me anyways, I sure as crap wasn't gonna ask him to do that. So then out of compassion for me Jason said he'd pick me up in Lake Worth. Which would of been totally awesome since he lives there, except the fact of he wasn't working at the main House of Blades store... but he said he'd do it... So that was all worked out and then Debra's freakishly weird mom decides she wants to go to a pray meeting!!! AHHH!!! [Even though she isn't suppose to drive she said it would of been safe to take me to Lake Worth, since she wouldn't of had to of been on the high way the whole way.] I was so pissed, so freakin pissed. So I had to call Jason back and after crying for about five minutes I managed to ask him if he'd drive to azle to pick me up. I felt horrible, seriously horrible. I HATE asking people so do things for me, I really do. Not only that but I somewhat ruined his and Martys plans. [[on second thought, I don't feel that bad about it...hehe] So he drives from the stock yards to azle to pick me up then meets up with my dad on rufe snow. So I owe him big time. And I'm exausted, now that I've completely wasted your time with my story I'm going to sleep. Aurevoir
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